midnite antiks
i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve
but that night the Jagermeister had my sleeves rolled up

alicia.21 this year.
living incognito.
just your average female.












Alicia Constance Danker

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Friday, June 22, 2007

to be honest i just realised that i blog reallly late. example it's like 4am now and im supposed to be sleeping.

being alone at home kinda sucks, i thought this would be the ME time for me but still, i cant live alone. woke up at about 12pm and i lazed around watching tv till like 5pm. met fai after that to go to giant hypermarket to get some ingredients for the cake im gonna bake. yeap the occasion is thanesh's 21st birthday, yeap my bubu is getting old indeed but i love him. he doesnt know im baking for him.

he made me really mad when i texted him to wish him a happy birthday, i was late by like 50 minutes but i had a really good reason. im working on his birthday card that im gonna give him. i bought this really hugeeeee card at memory lane for like 22 bucks. the card now is filled with love poems, yes i know its supposed to be a bday card but i cant help but express the love i have for him.

i was cracking my head on what poem to write, till i thought of the beautiful poem shane west read to mandy moore in a walk to remember.

"Love is always patient and kind..."

Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous. Love
is never boastful or conceited...

It is never rude or selfish...It does not take offense, and it
is not resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but
delights in truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to
hope, and to endure whatever comes.
~1 Corinthians 13:4-8

well its actually a verse from the bible instead of a poem. but watching that movie was so beautiful that the poem/scripture was the highlight of the whole thing for me. i'd love to recite that on my wedding day. okay back to the where i was. thanesh pissed me off cause he said that i forgot his bday. i've really been working hard for his homecoming/birthday and he dare say that to me. it was heartbreaking. but yadayadayada we made up and everything is alright now.

i really wish i could make it a big celebration for him, i mean c'mon he's turning 21. but yeah i guess a small me and him time would do the both of us some good since he's been away for so long.

on the other side, my sister called from langkawi. she seems to be having the time of her life. she brought some good news for me too. she bought me tons of cigarettes and flavored ones too! wee!
damn old habits die hard. cant wait till she gets back.

some people have it, and other people dont.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

i was told to be a sour plum at my young days. mom always said i never really knew how to smile which was true because looking back at old photo albums my smile was more of a sour frown like i have just eaten some young oranges. but that didn't make me the sad dark kid in 1990. i was a really joyous little lad, i had everything i wanted/needed. the little things used to make me so blissful like the time daddy would always take us out on Sunday's be it at a mall or anywhere else, that would be the day we would look forward too. or when daddy would call from work when he was far away from us, it would be the most delighted conversation that we have from him asides daddy asking us whether we have finished our homework or not *shrugs*.

the absent of a dad really took an impact on both me and my sister. we didn't have anyone to look up to anymore. no more good advisable talks, no more daddy telling me i can only get a boyfriend once im done with school, no more waiting at the front door because daddy is coming home from work. everything changed drastically for the three of us.

it took a year after his death for everything to sink in and start moving on with life especially for mummy. it was hard looking at my mom sitting on the dining table with pouring tears on her cheeks. so i ask myself, what is happiness? it's something one can feel so empowered by and it could all be taken away in a glimpse. to write it down honestly, i would give anything in the world, anything just to be that sour plum kid who couldn't smile.

i mean not that life has not gone good. with the presence of uncle arild (mom's soon to be groom), my mother has really gotten her happiness back. of course nothing could compare to the joy daddy gave but still there is room for one more. she deserves it more than anyone. the bullshit in life that she has gone through, being a foreigner in the land where her kids grew up it's not the easiest where life takes you. being the role model that she is caring and nurturing for me and my sister, nothing can give back for her sacrifices that she has made. how can a person forget the simplest thing in life that gave us life? it's just so easy for some people to put their parents in an old folks home. asking someone else to take care for the ones who have taken care and given us so much to be where we are today. how is that possible in ones mind to even take that as an option? it's so disconcert.

i would give anything to be with my mother right now.

some people have it, and other people dont.


like mother like daughter

i miss my mother, i've never really expressed how much i miss her till now. it's sad that i dont see her as much now cause she's always off to bali. but yeah, i cant stop her. she's really happy now living in bali. i'd do anything to make her happy.

okay, i know. no excuse for the lack of updates. seriously. i forgot the damn password to my blogspot account and it sucks that i have too many passwords to memorise.


1. im all alone at home since my sister is away for vacation in langkawi where by my parents as usual are at bali. thanesh went back to johor for his 21st birthday but was asked to come sooner cause his mom fell down and sprained her ankle. but to think about it, this is my first time after a really long time being alone at home. maybe this is the time where i can find serenity. it's been a while.

2. if you all didnt know, i have my own apartment now. yes MY own apartment which im sharing with a couple of really good friends. well of course nothing beats home but yeah i somehow feel more independent.

3. im highly addicted to sudoku now thanks to fai.

4. i still have my smoking habits which i said i would on my birthday and yet to have stopped.

5. i'm more happy with the condition of my hair than i was before.

6. i can bake now :D.

7. i have less friends to depend on.

other than that nothing really great has happened since fall out boy on march 2007.

some people have it, and other people dont.