i was told to be a sour plum at my young days. mom always said i never really knew how to smile which was true because looking back at old photo albums my smile was more of a sour frown like i have just eaten some young oranges. but that didn't make me the sad dark kid in 1990. i was a really joyous little lad, i had everything i wanted/needed. the little things used to make me so blissful like the time daddy would always take us out on Sunday's be it at a mall or anywhere else, that would be the day we would look forward too. or when daddy would call from work when he was far away from us, it would be the most delighted conversation that we have from him asides daddy asking us whether we have finished our homework or not *shrugs*.

the absent of a dad really took an impact on both me and my sister. we didn't have anyone to look up to anymore. no more good advisable talks, no more daddy telling me i can only get a boyfriend once im done with school, no more waiting at the front door because daddy is coming home from work. everything changed drastically for the three of us.

it took a year after his death for everything to sink in and start moving on with life especially for mummy. it was hard looking at my mom sitting on the dining table with pouring tears on her cheeks. so i ask myself, what is happiness? it's something one can feel so empowered by and it could all be taken away in a glimpse. to write it down honestly, i would give anything in the world, anything just to be that sour plum kid who couldn't smile.

i mean not that life has not gone good. with the presence of uncle arild (mom's soon to be groom), my mother has really gotten her happiness back. of course nothing could compare to the joy daddy gave but still there is room for one more. she deserves it more than anyone. the bullshit in life that she has gone through, being a foreigner in the land where her kids grew up it's not the easiest where life takes you. being the role model that she is caring and nurturing for me and my sister, nothing can give back for her sacrifices that she has made. how can a person forget the simplest thing in life that gave us life? it's just so easy for some people to put their parents in an old folks home. asking someone else to take care for the ones who have taken care and given us so much to be where we are today. how is that possible in ones mind to even take that as an option? it's so disconcert.

i would give anything to be with my mother right now.